Wondering, Wandering, and Writing

Daydreams.

Sweet, happy, fleeting thoughts of what might be.

Maybe a connection to reality, maybe not.

A few days ago I daydreamed. I realized with a start that it had been ….. how long?? …. I have no idea …. Since I had daydreamed.

Have I planned? Oh, yes! A lot!

Have I schemed a time or two?  Mmmm…. Yeah, that, too.

But to daydream?  To let my mind wander over possibilities and maybe things that aren’t really possible – that I have not done in years

So, I bought a pack of sticky notes.  I started writing.  Some things are really a to-do list for today and next week and next month.  I had to write those things down to get them out of my head so the fun stuff could surface again.  Most of these are long-term hopes and dreams.  Most of the pages have multiple things on them.  I turned them over to take a picture to share because I just don’t feel like baring my soul to the social media world.

You may be stuck in the muck.  The muck of being overwhelmed. Sadly, I have been there so much it feels like home.  I’m pretty sure I’ll feel it again within a day or two.  Please hear this. There is hope!  Beyond the to-do lists and grief and worries of all kinds, hope springs eternal.

You may glimpse it in a sunrise, a stranger’s smile, a Bible verse shared on social media, a flower breaking through a sidewalk, or any of a thousand little things.

My heart aches deeply today over so many things – a few made the news; most didn’t.

But there is hope – a deep conviction that God is good and will take care of his children, and he calls each of us.  Will we answer him with a yes?  Will we accept his gift?  Will we live in the hope of a better future, while walking daily with the Spirit he has sent to guide us? #bgwww25

Good morning!
Hello, sunrise 😊
Yes, I am *that* morning person who loves to be up shortly before sunrise (okay … not always in June and July when the days are SO long).  I enjoy watching the darkness slowly lighten through that soft glow of daybreak. I enjoy the gradual warming of the air as the first rays of sunlight pierce the atmosphere.  Sometimes a colorful burst of God’s artwork in the scattered clouds to adds to the beauty of the morning.  I enjoy the quiet, and the chatter of birds greeting the new day.

This morning as I read in Psalm 5, I was reminded that multiple times the scriptures call us to meet God in the morning.  In the quiet solitude, to be still physically and mentally (that’s the harder of the two) and to listen.  He reassures me of his presence and availability throughout the day.  He reminds me of his goodness and his provision.  He points out an attitude I need to adjust.  He brings to mind people and community needs to lift in prayer. Oh yes, I enjoy quite mornings.

However, I am well aware that not all mornings are quiet.  It is not always easy, and sometimes it is impossible to spend a quiet, still half hour or so to prepare for the day.

Perhaps a crying child awoke you at 4am.  Perhaps at 3am you had not yet been to sleep because of insomnia or too much study and work to do or … well, that list of reasons can be long.  Worries for your family and friends may invade your thoughts before you even stretch to get out of bed.  The alarm may jolt your body and senses, urging you on to work to provide for yourself and your family. A child or a pet may pounce on you, alerting you to urgent needs that you must meet.  Perhaps your body is screaming in pain from an accident or surgery or chronic illness.  The beep of an IV controller may have been your companion all night, and you’re not even sure when yesterday ended and today began.

Even on those hectic mornings, God is available.  We can cry out to him as we let out the dog or prepare breakfast for the toddler or mumble a greeting to the nurse on duty. Storing his promises in our hearts and minds is critical, so that on those mornings when life takes off like a dragster, we can recall his promise to walk with us, lighting our paths.  And hopefully, at some point, you can take a few moments to breathe slowly and deeply and let his words refresh your soul “I am with you always.  I will give you strength.  The comforter will guide you.”

#bgwww25

     We decided before our little vacation that we would take NO schoolwork with us – no worksheets, no books.  We would not even have Damain practice right and left.

     But today we headed home and it’s back to schoolwork.  On the way home, Chuck decided to get in a little right/left practice with Damain.  The conversations went something like this.

Chuck: Damain, which side of the truck is Mama sitting on?
Damain: The passenger side.
Laughter all around.

Chuck:  But is she to your right or left?
Damain: Neither really.  She’s in front of me and on the passenger side.  (Damain was sitting on the driver’s side behind Chuck.)

Chuck: Okay, which hand do you hold your fork in?
Damain: Either one.  I use my spoon in my right and my left.  I pick up a knife with my left and my right.  I pick up my fork in either hand, whichever I feel like.
Me:  But you tend to use one hand more than the other.  Which one?]
Damain:  Whichever I feel like.

Chuck: Okay, which hand do you write with?
Damain:  My dominant one.

We gave up.  Right/left practice: 0.  Vocabulary:  Not bad.

#bgwww25

Wash the clothes.
Clean the shoes.
Uh oh, first find the shoes.
Matching hair bows for the girls, ties for the boys.
Prepare the gifts.
Dye the eggs (maybe not at $4.50 a dozen).
Fill the plastic eggs.
Read THIS devotional every day.
No, LISTEN to this one every day.
Devil the eggs.
Bake the cookies.
Prepare the message.
Mow the grass (or not because there’s an egg hunt).
Rehearse the music.
Get to bed early because sunrise service is early. (Are you kidding?!)

Meals?!  What? I gotta feed the kids, too?!

And clean the spills on the floor?

Holidays are fun and crazy and stressful.

It is OKAY if some things don’t get done.

Breathe.
Hug some kids (yours or someone else’s).
Breathe.
Feel the grass beneath your bare feet.
Breathe.
Check in with a friend.
Breathe.

In the midst of the chaotic activity, remember to connect with the Creator.

“[God] breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul.” 
    – Genesis 2:7 KJV

#bgwww25

Mary Poppins floats in on the breeze to corral mischievous children.
Kitt (Knight Rider’s electronic marvel of a self-driving car)  zooms safely across the country to prevent a disaster.
Peter Pan’s pixie dust lifts Wendy and brothers into the air and carrying them to Never-Land.
Nanny McPhee’s warts disappear as the children learn to be obedient and respectful.
Cinderella’s rags become a stunning ball gown.
The Great and All Powerful Wizard of Oz is ….. what?! …. a stunt man from Kansas who has built a reputation based on technology and illusion?  What?!

Oh how often do we see the illusion when we look at others.? The tendency to “keep up with the Joneses” (whoever they were) existed long before social media, so the internet is not to blame (although it has intensified the tendency).

Once we look behind the perfect party pictures posted on social media, we may find …

a frazzled mom frantically finding care for all her children

a dozen dedicated dear friends who didn’t care who got the credit, so they all pitched in to help

a daddy or grandparents who sacrificed a fishing expedition or a weekend trip to facilitate funding the festivities

the camaraderie of the clean-up crew

Those perfect party pictures are not an illusion like those created by the Wizard of Oz, but it does require work.  Even the Wizard’s illusions required work.  I’ve heard from a reliable source than fireworks and illusion that make you go “AHHH,” “oooooo,” and “WOW” require work to present.  Work.  Effort. Time. They are behind every “magical moment” we see.

And then there are those seemingly rare moments when the results are so much more than the work alone would produce.

Plans fall into place before people even talk to each other about them.

Money is donated before the need is publicized.

Aching joints and muscles are relieved as a gentle breeze blows.

Encouraging words touch aching hearts.

Beautiful music soothes souls and lifts our thoughts to the eternal.

Old friends get in touch, and new friendships are made.

When God’s children are obedient to his calling, beautiful things happen – things that are so much better than the magical moments of theater.  I very much enjoy magical theatrical moments, but they last for a moment.  The healing that occurs when God’s children listen to him and follow through – that’s forever.

#bgwww25

Be still.

How many times did I hear that?

How many times have I said that?

Sit still in class.
it still in church.
Stand still while in line.
Hold still while I get this splinter out.
Be still while I trim your bangs.
Can you not be still and quiet for two verses of scripture?
Be still and go to sleep.

Honestly – I gave up on using that last instruction.  I changed it to “Be still and quiet and make me think you’re asleep.”

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

Oh that changes things a little.  “And know that I am God.”

At this stage of my life, I DO want to be still.  I want to rest – not just my body but my brain.  My body is willing to stop moving long before my brain is ready to shut down and be still.

Be still, my mind, be still!

I wonder ….. no, I know …… that just as it takes effort to make the body be still, it takes effort to make the mind be still.  And just like the body is never really completely still (as long as there is life in it), neither is the mind.  Perhaps the goal is not so much to be still as it is to be calm.  For some amount of time (probably short) to focus on things that are good, lovely, true, wholesome, and of God – that is the goal.

To be still does not mean to be motionless, but to be focused.  To calm the mind – and gain rest – is to be found not in the nothingness of being absolutely still and empty of thought, but in focusing on the creator of it all and his love for us.

#bgwww2025

Grief is weird.  SO weird.

(Our twelve-year-old just said, “No, it isn’t.  I had some of that when my dad didn’t come home.”
I asked, “When he died?”
“No, after a fire sometimes mom wouldn’t go and he went there [the station] instead of coming home.”  I think that proves my point.  Grief is weird.)

For all we’ve been through, I think that with counseling, friends, family, and prayer, I’ve processed things …. Okayily.  (Yeah, I made up that word.)

And then yesterday happened.

I have a friend who is going through a tough situation.  It’s tough.  She’s sharing and friends are praying and helping out.  But yesterday afternoon I just started crying over it.  Couldn’t help it.  Tears streamed down my face.  My heart literally ached.  Why?  Why them?  Why this?  Why me? Why am I reacting like this?  Empathy is one thing but seriously?!?!?!!

And then thoughts from my past inched their way to the top of my thoughts.  The similarities of trying so hard to do the right thing, having no clue what to do next, searching for answers, crying out in prayer, reaching out for help, sifting through advice, knowing that God will carry us through but having NO idea or vision of how it will happen.

Life can be hard.  The pains of the past, even those we think we’ve dealt with and left behind, can sneak up and twist the knife again.

I’m okay this morning.  I’m writing in case anyone else finds themselves hanging on by a thread – crying out for divine help for self or others.  God is able.  God is willing.  The path may not be what we hoped.  It probably won’t be what we planned.  But, God is good and he walks with us.

Be kind to each other. – Ephesians 4:32

#bgwww24